I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
