I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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