Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
