made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm both gender and math confused
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