how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
