Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
