how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
