I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
