He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
