your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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