Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
PANTIES FOUND
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