I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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