he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
