i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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