I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
