I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
