Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
