I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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