My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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