Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
