Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
