What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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