he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
