Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
These tits shall not be calmed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
