mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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