He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
