you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i think i just lost a toe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
