apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
