we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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