please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There r osticjed everywhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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