My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
