I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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