Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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