Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
