remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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