Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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