Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
