dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
