is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
