bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
