why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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