I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
