Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
