and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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