my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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