Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
