Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
