After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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