You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
