He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
