Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
